Fast as you can

Beware, It's another boring, droning, rambling, whining post.

So, for the last couple of weeks, I've been spiraling into a depressed rut, completely out of control, lost, confused, worried, scared, and unable to organize my thoughts. My "relationship" has been a little rocky, 4 years of your life with someone, thinking everyday might be your last can get a little unnerving.

Not like I have many friends left, but the ones I do have, either moved away or are dealing with problems of thier own, but that's ok. They have to live their life and they are doing a better job then me.

The home front isnt much better, I've been shunned by my real mother, who apparently wants nothing to do with me, and all I wanted was someone to talk to. We just found out that the dad who raised me has cancer, and one of my favorite patients at my work is about to die. The other one has alzheimers so bad, she doesn't even remember me.

Speaking of my work, that's the very worst area of my life. Because of my fucked up life, when I go to work, I focus all my depressed, nervous, worrying, energy into kicking ass at my job. Everyone drops my name, my reputation definatly proceeds me.
maybe that's why my new boss wants me out of there so bad, shes cold in the shadow.
but probably not.

I've decided to stop worrying about everything and start fresh tomorrow. If I get fired, tomorrow I'll deal with it. If someone in my life dies, I'll find a way to deal with it. If me and my boyfriend break up I've got to just deal with it. I'm so tired of whining about my life..

I think I'm going to go on a "spiritual" fast tomorrow.. mabe 3 days, but I can probably only handle two because my work is so strenuous.

Fasting always clears my head and makes me feel better. every time I eat I feel groggy and more depressed. My new addiction to "Taco bell, no meat please" hasn't helped either. (go see "supersize me" it's good.)

There are some very good benefits from fasting. Many people might have a problem with that kind of lifestyle, but they don't understand, I don't don't do it just to lose weight. I do it because it's "cleansing". and "strengthens me spiritually" and I truly am just an innocent "tree hugging hippie"(modern day of course). I meditate, I'm a vegetarian, I like peace, and all that good stuff.

Ok ok that's enough I'll update tomorrow.