Bi Polar? ramblings of the hallucinated mind

First of all, I wanted to send out the most genuine thanks to all of my loyal visitors (all meaning phizz, haha) and to everyone else who showed concern for me after my last post. I've never been part of an internet community that has so many down to earth, friendly and caring memebers.

Things are getting better. one thing I learned from my $3,000 dollars worth of drug thereapy (court ordered) is "one day at a time." (It's also the cardinal rule of any 12 step program) (which also kinda depresses me, I COULD have learned that lovely little motto for free)

but anyway, got off the topic there. basically, I just needed to take a step back, and realize, I don't have to deal with everything at once.. I was "like, totally" freaking out. I do that often, and it's likley that you will see me smiling 5 minutes after I've been crying. I scare people becuase it's so easy to get in a huge fight with someone and then act totally normal.. that along with many other factors make me think I'm bi polar.

just for the hell of it, here is a typical fight with my boyfriend:



Him: "Stop bitching about everything!"

Me: "No.. I need to bitch! you make me bitch!"

Him: "fuck you!"

me: "no, fuck you!"

Him: "Why the fuck am I with you?"

Me: "no, WHY the fuck am I with YOU? I dont need you!" (for whatever reason i say)

Him: " Fine! DONT be with me, Fuck you! go home!"

Me: "Fine, You will NEVER see me again! (sometimes crying at this point) i hope you know what you lost!"

Imediatley after, I pretend to start gathering up my stuff, then I usually pretend to look for somthing, take my time.. clock ticks, crickets chirp, then "sneakily" eventually I usually sit back down, light a cigarette and act like nothing happend (haha I'm such a dork!)

(5 minutes of silence later)

Him: "WELL?"

Me: "What?"

Him: "What do you mean what???"

me: "come on, don't be mad! let's play a game!"
(from now onI guess I'll be saying "mario golf" since i just bought it!)

and This is where he ususally completley loses it, and I act all innocent and get all quiet until an hour or two later, where he decides to start talking to me again. (I never lose an argument, unless its with him, and now you see why!)

Well I just made the mistake of saying "I'm sick of Aerosmith" outloud. don't want to do that around these parts.. beer guzzling, Boomhower from king of the hill actin, mullet haired, wife beater wearin hoosiers all over the place! haha. Just jokin.. If I offended anyone else who love's Aerosmith, I'm sorry :) I mean, Ive seen them in concert, I grew up listening to them, I used to really like them! I guess the onset of my extreme disqust for them started around the time when Steven Tyler started wearing makeup and ladies high heels and highlighting his hair, (Not that theres anything wrong with that) and seeing them in a Gap comercial, a Hardees comercial, there song in a car commercial, not to mention you can't even watch a damn football game without seeing them, or hearing them. I hate football enough. well did I miss anything? do I dare say the "S" word? (sellout) kinda like korn and ozzy, except I didn't mind it as much when they did it.

anyway,

that's it for now, ta ta!