depressed

I've been sleeping too much, smoking too much, eating too much, sitting on my ass too much and I haven't accomplished anything.

I am in debt, tired, sick of my job, sick of my life, and just generally sick of myself.

I have to go back to work tomorrow, I've been off for three days and I don't know how I'm going to get through another week. I don't look forward to weekends anymore. or anything for that matter, nothing is interesting, nothing is fun.

my cat died, my "grandpa" died my "grandma" is about to.. my dad's health is failing. all my relationships are rocky and my job's on the line. I feel so jaded. I have no control. I am scared of the future, I don't want to go outside. I don't want to go to sleep, I don't want to dream.

I'm supposed to be the optomistic one. (quoting all my friends) I'm the one who keeps everything together, expecially myself. I'm the one who always knows just what to say, and what to do. I don't know anything anymore. I don't know myself, or anyone else.

well, I suppose this rambling isn't helping anything, but maybe it is. Ill write again if I think of anything worth saying.